Raise Me From Darkness
by QueenofDreamers97
Summary: Add on to the episode Night. Janeway is having trouble pulling herself out of darkness. All she needs to do is reach out to the one person who can help her. (Hint of J/C)
1. Chapter 1

After finally escaping The Void, Kathryn Janeway was still trapped. The Void had personified the emptyness that she had felt and perhaps she had left some small part of herself behind.

Once her first period of active duty had ended, she had quickly retreated into the sanctuary of her Quarters. Her breathing hitched and she found herself leaning against the bulkhead as the sobs that she had fought to keep in check forced their way from her throat.

 _Stop it, Kathryn._ She chided herself but the tears continued to pour from her eyes and she sank to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest, a faded memory of her childhood. _It's all your fault._ A dark corner of her mind whispered. _You're weak, you should have taken the shuttle. You had plenty of opportunity._ Kathryn raised her tear stained face from her hands and clenched her fists. _You can still go back. It's nothing less than what you deserve._

Kathryn, quickly keyed open her Quarters. Only to be faced with a surprised Commander Chakotay. _Damn._ The dark voice swore.

"Commander." She greeted him and swiftly moved to push past him. Only to be stopped by a single hand on her arm. "Let go." She growled.

"No." Kathryn's gaze narrowed and she moved to push his hand from her arm.

"That's a direct order." She hissed.

"And I am disobeying it." He pushed back. "Something is bothering you, Kathryn and I am not leaving until you talk to me." Chakotay met her smouldering gaze, taking in the sight of her red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"There is nothing to discuss, Commander." He was not going to let her do this again.

"You need help, Kathryn. If you're not going to talk to me then I will have to take action, I'm sure that you would listen to The Doctor." That did it. She seemed to deflate, falling against him. "Not out here." He scooped her into his arms and quickly moved to the sofa. Kathryn broke into harsh, shuddering sobs and she buried her face into the front of his uniform.

"It's like I am drowning and everytime I try to stay afloat, I get dragged down again." She managed between sobs.

"Let it out, Kathryn." He whispered into her hair as he held her tightly.

"I can't shake this Chakotay, it follows me everywhere."

"Hey, look at me." He gently tucked a finger under her chin and raised her face, so he could meet her gaze. "No matter what happens, we'll make it together." That brought a small smile forth.

"We always do don't we."

For the next two weeks after that, Kathryn often him sought out. After that night, he had made her promise to find him, if she ever needed someone to talk to. Tonight she had sought him out for a diffrent reason entirely. Hidden behind her back was a bottle of Champagne and she was dressed in a simple blue dress that fell to her knees. She pressed the chime to his Quarters and was promtly answered with a soft "Come in." Kathryn entered his dimly lit Quarters. "If this is a bad time..." He raised a hand cutting her off.

"I meant it when I said that you could talk to me anytime you wish."

"Oh. I had something else in mind."

"Really?" He questioned.

"Do you want to visit Lake George with me?" Her inquiry almost caught him off guard.

"At 2:30 in the morning?"

"Yes." Chakotay smiled softly at her.

"I'd love too."


	2. Chapter 2

"When was the last time you used this program?" Chakotay probed gently.

"Two years ago." she answered, forcing back her memories of that particular alien. Even after two years, the memories of that encounter still haunted her.

"It still bothers you." He stated. Kathryn resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him.

"Yes, it does." She kept her gaze focused on the small craft that was moored in front of them at the end of the dock. Tonight they wouldn't take the small boat out onto the lake. Given that she was in no mood for sailing, it would have been safer to stay on the dock anyways, a storm was coming. Even on the holodeck, the air smelt tangy.

"Kathryn, you didn't ask me to join you just so we could sit here on the dock. Something is troubling you." Chakotay placed a gentle hand around her shoulders and hugged her for a fleeting moment.

"I need to spend some time here with you. It's reassuring. For the first time in weeks I feel, something. There is no longer a void within me. It's gone. The mind numbing guilt and lonliness are still around, they are still kicking me but not as hard anymore." Kathryn closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She had forgotten about this program. But the sweetness of the memory remained. "I remember it you know." Chakotay tensed.

"Kathryn?" Her name was a question.

"I still remember what you told me two years ago. You said that you didn't want to loose your best friend but I know you Chakotay. I wish that I could tell you everything that I'm feeling right now but I can't. I don't want to loose my best friend, not to something like this."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That I wanted to tell you exactly how I felt when we got stuck in the void, but there was something holding me back. I was trying to fight it on my own. I have to fight this thing alone, in the end I am the only one who can defeat my demons." He took her in his arms.

"You were never alone Kathryn. Best friends never leave each other behind, please don't ever ask me to leave you again."


End file.
